Thursday, February 28, 2013


I have the best friends.  For years I've collected the funniest, most attractive, and [most importantly] most sincere people as those who I hold closest and most dear.  Any and all opportunity to make those bonds stronger and to just BE with these amazing individuals and loving groups is my ideal.  It's my reason for living.  Mostly because they are my reason for laughing or having and pursuing my passions.

I am lucky enough to have groups of friends for every occasion, and every location.  I have the dearest group of friends back in Ohio among whom we all grew together.  They knew me when I was most embarrassing and annoying, and vice versa.  And now we are adults with jobs and incomes and are realizing dreams of being rich and famous.

I have my NYU Family.  My friends from college who are my unconditional love source.  They are amazing, successful, and so unique.  They are mostly non-actor friends, and they provide an irreplaceable break from real life stresses of auditioning and self-marketing.  And they always think I'm funny.

I have my NYU acting friends.  To be in the acting community, you must have a strong support system of encouragement and relate-ability.  Also, artists/actors are the best people.  If you can stand on a stage [or kneel on a pillow] in front of a group of strangers and BE SOMEONE ELSE, you are an amazing, playful, creative, loving, giving person, and I want to be near you.

My broship with Remy is completely different.  Completely different in the way that it's somewhat the same and only slightly different.  I am pretty white bread of a person.  Growing up, I longed for a strong friendship with one other guy friend.  A broship, for sure.  And now I've had it.

February started out as the worst.  I couldn't wait for it to end because I knew it was going to be excessively cold and uncomfortably lazy, and vice versa.  Now, I wish it weren't over.  I haven't had enough time with these bros!!!

But as Remy and I are classy gentlebros, we have a few love letters to give to the characters of our month long dramedy:

Dear Jasper,

I guess there are worse things than people pleasers.

With umbrage,

The one who wouldn't pet you

Dear Tasha,

Thank you for trusting me with your space.  It's a sacred thing, one's room.  It's a safe haven.  A shelter from a storm.  A place to rest and reset.  Simply and fully, it's personal.

And so thank you for letting me pretend that I belonged in a place that was yours.  Thank you for trusting me with your roommates.  And most of all, thank you for leaving your necklaces on the wall to remind me to dress up, no matter the occasion.


Remy's blonde friend from school

Dear Rayne,

I so enjoyed your visit and our subwequent watching of Clue.  I was very charmed by your warmth and openness, your humor and helpfulness.  There is a reason you are Remy's best friend, and I'm glad to have gotten to experience it in such a comfortable place.

You can be an honorary bro.  Obvi.



Dear Chris,

It's a magical thing when your roommate has a great self-confidence and a beautiful singing voice.  Not since I lived with my old roommate Stephen have I experienced such a combination (and even so, I often missed out on both with him as he was always on tour for world renown tap dancing competitions).

Thank you for your inspiring presence, and we forgive you for Jasper.



Dear Lauren,

When Remy and I told you we'd be living together, Im sure you were thrown on a whirlwind of emotions.  I'm certain you wanted to ask if you could sleep in the hall outside our door, just to feel our closeness.  Without any shadow of a doubt, you made scary-accurate finger puppets of us two bros to comfort you whenever you thought about our bropartment.

It was a true pleasure having you as our final brovisitor.  Thank you for sharing in our communion of barbecue, canolis, and monopoly.  Also, that funky dance move in which you indulged in the barbecue place, that caused such a ruckus, was the highlight of the night for all our fellow Harlem homies and homegirls.

You are a vision in red [and blue hat].

You are the original, the most, and the final ICON of the day!!!

Ride on, fancy horse.



Dear Matt,

When you moved in, it not only changed wait, thats enough to say.  Yeah.  It changed everything.

Two of us has to share the couch each evening.  Someone actually showed a slight interest in watching me save the princess.  Someone made the rest of us feel younger and more productive and less lazy and more energetic and less "eating all the time."

When Just Two Bros started, we already knew of the impending and infamous #3bros plot twist.  Yet, we didn't know what it would actually mean, how adding your personality and older years would impact our brochelor's pad.

It must be said that, in the two weeks that I've known you now, i have learned a GREAT DEAL about you.  It's a strange thing to have been in a social incubator for a short time, and to be exiting knowing too much to be explained by that time.  And yet, despite your advanced years, it's really felt like a bro-therhood.  You've embraced #3bros, and we've embraced you.


Thank you for being old enough to buy us alcohol and to bring us the wisdom of many ages.



P.S.: Invite me back often.  I still need to finish playing Zelda.

Dear Our Avid Readers,

You excite me.  I was never more encouraged to continue writing as when I heard that we had even one reader!

I had a great many hopes for this blog, and I achieved so few of them.  However, each post was such a massive success that I am overjoyed to have gotten to share my thoughts with you.

Hey.  People are real.  They have thoughts and feelings.  And they react to everything.  And they have fears and loves.  And they should be heard.  You've taught me that.  Thanks.

As always, to you, the most exciting Love, the most shocking Bitches, and the most flowering Inspiration,


I have never been so disappointed to be leaving a home as I am now.  Yes, saying goodbye to my parents was a thing.  And yes, Glamercy was the nicest abode I've ever inhabited.  But I found a lifestyle and a true understanding with my bros in Harlem.  True comfort to be myself and true faculty to fully realize what that means.  The truth is, I've felt infinite in my possibilities here with Remy.  One of my favorite parts of our time together would be the lazy hour or two after a long day of werq or auditions [at one in the morning no less] where we would just talk.  Honestly.  Remy would suggest to play a game of some kind.  Role playing LOST characters.  Fantasizing and analyzing our ideal mates. Always: "YES, and..."  Especially without an audience.  We were all we needed this month.  We were the most deservĂ©d audience.  And BOY did we hit it.  We were on FIRE with our jokes and conversations.  Home is where the heart is.  And I found out just how big a heart can grow.

And so:

Dear Remy,

Yes, and...

I'll be back, and...

This isn't the end of JUST TWO BROS.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013


3bros are giving you a WONDERFUL surprise!  Here: surprise!  Enjoy these obras by fellow bro, Matthew.

3bros, with sunglasses
3bros in NYC

3bros on the island from LOST


Friday, February 22, 2013


Pregaming started with a Bro-toshoot

Same Height

Direction: "Find your light" and "Arms"

What you can't hear: "90s Music"

Remy left this on.  He left it on.

THE CLERB, feat. 3bros

Photo Accuracy: 13%

Remy texting

Guy Fieri's Review: "90s Chic"


Remy texting

Remy texting

Two. Bros.



Remy texting

Have you seen this?

Hellz yah!


Remy texting

Three. Bros.

Snap Chat Screen Shot


Morning After: "What a mess."

Tuesday, February 19, 2013


I...I don't know what to say about this.  WELL!  The cat is out of the bag, and the eye is on the tower.

The shocking twist of the month is FINALLY here!  WE.  ARE.  THREE BROS!!!

Remy and I welcomed our first roommate since saying goodbye to Jasper (whom we are told is still a people pleaser).  Our new roommate Matthew is in process of moving in, and generously paused to draw the above DRAWING.

The world is changing, people!  The weather is starting to feel like sweet, merciful Springtime.  We are no longer Just Two Bros.  And now Remy and I have to share the couch...BIG CHANGES.

For the record, I'm more familiar with this eye than the one above:


Daily Disappointment: No Girl Scout Cookies?!
Daily Activities: Day Drinking, Day Eating, Day Moving
Daily Icon: Princess Ariel (as performed by 3 year old Matthew)

Love, Bitches, and Mango Nectar,

Three Bros

Monday, February 18, 2013



Daily Question: "Donut run?"
Daily Activities: Eating?  Kicking?  Presidenting?
Daily Icon: Alyssa Edwards?  (Because, what kind of a drag name is that??)

Love, Bitches, and Mystery,

Two Bros...?

Searching . . .

I went through a phase when I was younger where I would name objects by adding a "y" to the end of their actual name.  The deceptively undelicious "chairy," the awkward sounding "windowy," and the long time family member "vanny" were...well...basically all of them.

Vanny was a dream of a vehicle.  It had two tape cassette stereos, fragile window shades, and long pondered ash trays.  The faux wood was just so damn classy, but the best part of the whole ride was the back bench seat.  I have two brothers and as many parents, so when we would drive to a family vacation spot, one of us got the whole bench to themselves.  And that someone was MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!  YAYYYYYYY!!!!  I believe my older brother wanted control of the second tape cassette, and so chose the chair[y] next to it.  And my younger brother wanted to be like my older brother, and so chose the similar chair[y] in that middle row.  SUCKASSSSSSS

Long story short: I won.  I would spend half my time starring out the windows at trees and street signs, and spend the other half my time stretched out with my eyes closed and my breathing steady as I tried to suppress my car sickness from reading those street signs [and any initials carved into those trees].

Thankfully, car sickness does not translate to subway rides.  Otherwise, I probably would have "gotten sick" on the subway...more than I already have.  #nocomment #allt #allshade

The long benches of the A train remind me of the long back row bench of Vanny.  And the man falling asleep on my shoulder on the A train...reminds me of my own young self being cradled to sleep on Vanny's back row cushions.

I love sleeping in a moving vehicle.  Sleeping, in general, is wonderful.  Sleeping in public is ill-advised.  Sleeping in public in NYC is a regrettable gamble.  I use the "put your leg through your backpack strap" method [when I really don't care how stupid I look].  Desperate times call for desperate measures [and some sweet, sweet dreams].

Alright, alright, alright.  Truth be told, when I'm not snoozin' while acruisin,' I'm reading/memorizing or teaching [forcing] myself to make eye contact with strangers.  New York City is a rough place for meeting someone new on the street.  Not because there is a lack of new people on the street, of course, but because nobody says hello or has real interactions with strangers.  I try.  And I try.  And if you're cute...I fail.  Otherwise, you get a nice warm smize from me.

Often, I get no returned eye contact (thank god).  Sometimes, it's because someone ELSE is snoozin' their ride away!  They are passed out and completely vulnerable.  I am not a predator nor a thief, so good for them, and awful for my shoulder when they do the "lean'n'drool."

How funny that humans were made to be vulnerable without a choice.  When we sleep, we close our eyes.  We lose sight of the conscious world and fall to utter obliviousness.  When we sleep, the world creeps on (much like an Animal Crossing game).  In the blink of an eye, the world changes and grows and evolves and falls in love and destroys and collects and isolates and plays Animal Crossing.

Try it now.  Close your eyes.  Feel vulnerable where you are.  Feel safe, reading this in your own home.  Feel uncomfortable, reading this in public.  Consider how your surrounding company makes you feel more or less taken care of.

I feel most transparent when I'm dating someone.  And I love that.  I love having someone who wants to know all my secrets and thoughts.  I love having someone who is my go-to for exciting news and unfortunate circumstances [or vice versa].  However...

...relationships are also difficult when it comes time to reveal more of your true, [metaphorically] naked self. Trusting your partner is putting yourself on display, completely vulnerable.  It is a beautiful state BECAUSE of how dangerous it is.  You trust another person with your revealed self so that perhaps it may lead you to a deeper level of intimacy.

After each of my relationships, I've had a realization that I had been blind to some part of my social or romantic consciousness.  I didn't know what I didn't know, and suddenly the walls of my love reality crumbled in an earthquake of hurt and untimely clarity.

I have friends in several stages of relationship: current breakup, recent breakup, meeting after a long past breakup, and even saving the relationship from a breakup.  I'm disappointed not to see a new and budding relationship on that list.  S.A.D. continues to take its toll.

What makes a successful relationship?  Trust.  FIRE.  Shared experiences.  Commitment.  Trust, but for real this time.  A relationship, on any level, is an agreement.  A promise of something!  The trouble creeps in when communication is failed and trust not achieved.  A lover will get hurt when expectations don't match up.

A friend of mine once told me that agreeing to be in a relationship is agreeing to hurt each other.

I look forward to the day I get married and start my family.  I am so excited by the idea that I will share a promise with another person to be there with them, together, on the same team.  Through thick and thin.  Through Sandy and Nemo.  Through miscommunication and communion.

I'm pretty far from my familial goals:  I'm single (two bros bachelor pad!!!  Holla!!!).  I have the smallest amount of free time (the majority of which goes into saving the Princess).  And I find it so hard to meet new people in this city!  So few people REALLY communicate on the street.  And the ones that do use the opportunity to "practice" being angry.  It's hardly worth it to even try to face my fears of eye contact in the slim hope that someone will a way that won't be resolutely creepy.

En placer de eso, I put my energies partially in smizing at strangers...and more in good posture, a positive energy, working on my career, writing my blog, singing in public, anything to better myself and have more confidence and trust in myself.  I do this because, during this desert of love in my life, I believe that an investment in myself is an investment in my romantic future.  We are most attractive when we are most confident and not looking for love.  I close my eyes to scoping the crowds and instead focus selfishly on myself.

You can open your eyes now.

Oh, right, and then THIS happened:


Daily TV Show: Impractical Jokers
Daily Activities: Traveling, Talking Relationships, Eating with a Spoon
Daily Icon: Emelie Samuelson (I mean, check out her AWESOME blog post!:

Love, Bitches, and Hot Fudge,

Two Bros

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Snoozing, basically.

Remy and I would like to thank everyone who sent us a letter or hid a note under a nearby surface inquiring about our safety the last few days.  As you all now know, we had been missing for a few days.  We thank you for all your kind words, and "understand what you really mean" by your unkind words.  We want to also thank you for numbering each letter, so that we know we happened upon the complete set.  We will save the complete set of letters and notes right next to our complete set of LOST dvds.

Remy and I would like to share with you the wisdom we attained while in absence.  It is literally the least we can do to repay your uncomfortably consistent worry and attention.

1. What you don't say says just as much as what you do say.  So get out there and watch your words and also watch your not words.  Those not words hold as much poison as those words...and, I mean, those words...they are certainly not to be ignored either.  Unless your not words are acting to ignore the words, then maybe go ahead and not word their words.

Also, ignore all the words in the previous paragraph, and also ignore all the words in the next three or four paragraphs.  And ignore this: word.

2. Don't expect to get bread when you order "pulled pork."  If you don't say the word "sandwich," sure, it'll be cheaper, but it won't have bread for you to cradle your barbecue sauce-drowned mini-meat strips.  Also, when you expect an assortment of barbecue sauces...don't be too disappointed when your options are "mild" and "hot."  Be serious.  "Mild" barbecue sauce is ketchup.  And "hot" barbecue sauce is hot sauce.  I wanted

3. Getting coffee with an acquaintance is as fun as it sounds.  And often as dangerous.

4. Running up six flights of stairs in order to save time is rather ridiculous.  You will end up spending the "extra time" in a heap on the floor as you regain consciousness.  And by then, your pockets could be emptied and your honor destroyed.

5. Anything can act as a disguise.  Except maybe nakedness.  But who needs a disguise when your nakedness works as a perfect distraction.  Also, anything can act as a distraction.

6. Some things make less noise if you hit them.  Some things make more noise if you hit them.  Some things make the same noise whether you hit them or not.

7. Don't act like you know all the answers all the time.  You come off as an asshole.

8.  Wait, no, do.  Do act like you know all the answers.  Otherwise you don't get what you want.  Sorry.  That was a rough jump from 7 to 8 there.  I hope nobody stopped reading after 7.  Seriously.  I almost ruined your life.  Ooof.  Close one.

9. Take time to breathe.  Because if you don't, and you are swimming through an underwater tunnel, attempting to escape the grasp of a couple  assailants, you will pass out and fill your lungs with water.  Thank god Remy was there to pull me out of that one, right?

10. When you talk on the phone, smile; they can tell the difference.

We are glad to be back.  However, so much has changed!!  Please do continue sending us letters and hiding notes for us.  We need updates.


Daily Gift: Freedom
Daily Activities: Tweeting, Crawling, Turning Corners
Daily Icon: This Woman, pictured here thanks to an artist's rendering (for helping us escape by betraying her companions)

Love, Bitches, and BITCHES,

Two Bros