Snoozing, basically.

Remy and I would like to thank everyone who sent us a letter or hid a note under a nearby surface inquiring about our safety the last few days.  As you all now know, we had been missing for a few days.  We thank you for all your kind words, and "understand what you really mean" by your unkind words.  We want to also thank you for numbering each letter, so that we know we happened upon the complete set.  We will save the complete set of letters and notes right next to our complete set of LOST dvds.

Remy and I would like to share with you the wisdom we attained while in absence.  It is literally the least we can do to repay your uncomfortably consistent worry and attention.

1. What you don't say says just as much as what you do say.  So get out there and watch your words and also watch your not words.  Those not words hold as much poison as those words...and, I mean, those words...they are certainly not to be ignored either.  Unless your not words are acting to ignore the words, then maybe go ahead and not word their words.

Also, ignore all the words in the previous paragraph, and also ignore all the words in the next three or four paragraphs.  And ignore this: word.

2. Don't expect to get bread when you order "pulled pork."  If you don't say the word "sandwich," sure, it'll be cheaper, but it won't have bread for you to cradle your barbecue sauce-drowned mini-meat strips.  Also, when you expect an assortment of barbecue sauces...don't be too disappointed when your options are "mild" and "hot."  Be serious.  "Mild" barbecue sauce is ketchup.  And "hot" barbecue sauce is hot sauce.  I wanted bar.be.cue.

3. Getting coffee with an acquaintance is as fun as it sounds.  And often as dangerous.

4. Running up six flights of stairs in order to save time is rather ridiculous.  You will end up spending the "extra time" in a heap on the floor as you regain consciousness.  And by then, your pockets could be emptied and your honor destroyed.

5. Anything can act as a disguise.  Except maybe nakedness.  But who needs a disguise when your nakedness works as a perfect distraction.  Also, anything can act as a distraction.

6. Some things make less noise if you hit them.  Some things make more noise if you hit them.  Some things make the same noise whether you hit them or not.

7. Don't act like you know all the answers all the time.  You come off as an asshole.

8.  Wait, no, do.  Do act like you know all the answers.  Otherwise you don't get what you want.  Sorry.  That was a rough jump from 7 to 8 there.  I hope nobody stopped reading after 7.  Seriously.  I almost ruined your life.  Ooof.  Close one.

9. Take time to breathe.  Because if you don't, and you are swimming through an underwater tunnel, attempting to escape the grasp of a couple  assailants, you will pass out and fill your lungs with water.  Thank god Remy was there to pull me out of that one, right?

10. When you talk on the phone, smile; they can tell the difference.

We are glad to be back.  However, so much has changed!!  Please do continue sending us letters and hiding notes for us.  We need updates.

Dailys:

Daily Gift: Freedom
Daily Activities: Tweeting, Crawling, Turning Corners
Daily Icon: This Woman, pictured here thanks to an artist's rendering (for helping us escape by betraying her companions)

Love, Bitches, and BITCHES,

Two Bros