Taking Turns

I tasted power early in life.

And now I'm laughing at you, my readers, because I can only imagine what that makes you think.  I wish I could KNOW exactly what you picture in your heads.  I wish I could read minds and plant thoughts and move objects without touching them and know when a table is done with their food and want another round of drinks.

My childhood was separated into two parts: before I moved the summer before 3rd grade and after I moved the summer before 3rd grade.

I was very popular in school before I moved.  I was bullied in school after I moved.  Let's talk about school before I moved.

I was a leader of a group of about 5 of us.  The girls and me.  I made decisions for us on the playground.  I kept track of who picked what we played the day previous, and accordingly chose who would pick the game today.  I was high from the power.  I would try to be fair, but really I had no idea if anyone was feeling left out.

Also on the playground, there was James.  As far as I remember, he didn't have a group.  I learned responsibility in the 2nd grade when I would selflessly donate one recess a week to hanging out with James.  Just us.  My own group of girls was probably lost as to what to play without me, but I had a duty, and I secretly enjoyed playing with James (because we played make believe in the world of Mario and Princess Peach on a map of the United States, every young bro's dream!).  I wasn't the nicest to James.  For that, I am sorry.  I had "early power."  Much like "young money," "early power" was a great responsibility and a minor nuisance, and sometimes vice versa.

Now, I want you to experience the power of mind reading that I crave, so here are some of my thoughts from earlier today when I went grocery shopping.  [You are now entering an uncensored monologue from my head]:

"If I don't have any chocolate in the apartment, I won't eat any chocolate, and then I will therefore be healthier."

"What can I buy to which I can add jalapenos?"

"My metabolism is going to start failing me eventually.  So...come on, now, Anth.  Start changing your food habits now...ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME???"

"Cookies and Cream or Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough?  I need to get something to go with the hot fudge I bought last time!"

"This fruit smoothie jug is a little expensive...but it might be the only fruit I get this week.  I say I'm worth it."

"Milk milk milk milk milk milk milk milk...2%!!!!!"

"Oh...development!  That lady with the unkempt, long-ass hair just got the cookies and cream...I don't want to be like her; I'll go for the chocolate chip cookie dough."

(For the record, Remy, I didn't get toilet paper...because I BELIEVE you said it's your turn next...?  Let me know later if I'm wrong.  I'll go back.  I can always get more 2% while I'm there anyway.)

Remy and I tag teamed the apartment today.  I left MAD EARLY for a rehearsal in Brooklyn.  When I got back in the afternoon, Remy left for his improv class.  First me, then him.  So organized.  We practiced a hella neat day.

Now, I'm an artist [What isn't art?], and I'm logical [read: naturally good at math].  I tend to constantly think and analyze and process and better.  I had an acting class on Monday, and my teacher would not stop hammering into me that I need to worry less about my partner's reaction, and focus more on making my partner the object of my action.

Everything you learn in an acting class is a tool to learn more about yourself.  When acting, you can be at your most vulnerable.  You can reveal real emotion, stemming from real experience and circumstance, so when your teacher tells you they noticed something about you while on stage...it is probably also about you off stage.

I have a belief that everyone should pretend to be an actor at least once in their lives.  Getting new headshots is such a self-centered, self-pampering experience that is so surreal and just must be had by all.  Taking speech classes teach the proper way to speak and also teach you how to speak up for what you want...and how to make your voice more resonant in a noisy space to be heard without YELLING.  And everyone should know a different accent!  They make great party tricks!


"Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator."  - Daniel Handler

Remy and I make good roommates because we both know how to be light-hearted and we both know how to listen.  I sigh and complain and rant, and Remy listens and responds.  Then we laugh over something racist or sexual, as two bros do.  Then Remy sighs and complains and rants, and I listen and respond.  Then we lip-sync to Beyonce and snapchat from across the room.  It just works!  Our minds are at ease in our no judgement zone!  We have no need to put on a mask or try to manipulate each other into getting help or love or truth.

Truth is a struggle for me.  I air on the side of ignoring and avoiding eye contact.  I stifle my own expression.

I realized, walking to the train from my acting class, that I do in fact obsess over how my parents, my friends, my brothers, my boss, my co-workers, my customers, and everyone else will react to any little thing I say or do.  I cater my syntax to make others the most comfortable and the least offended.  I offer the truth softly, instead of honestly.  I don't like letting anyone down, and I think that's not fair to myself nor anyone else in the world.  Change occurs when the truth is revealed because then the world reacts and adapts and continues the cycle back and forth.  First I say how I feel, then you tell me your truth.  No power plays.  No manipulations.

It was only after I moved, when I began to get bullied, that I started understanding the perspectives of other people.  I would dream of using magic and hypnosis to help me stealthily control everyone around me (See also: Obsession with Harry Potter (See also: Harry Potter Wallpaper)).  Ironically, in my attempt to cushion the responses around me, I became a master at avoiding my own truths, and thus the truths of my relationships.

To clarify to everyone to whom I lied or didn't know how to express myself:

"I'm gay.  That's why."

"I wish you would move faster.  NOW."

"I want, as Rhianna says, to feel like the only girl in the world."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that about you."

"I really don't like that."

At this time, I would like to make another confession.  Remy, when I hear keys rattle in the hallway, I hope it's you coming home.  I'm always disappointed to hear a neighbor's door open instead.  We've got a good set-up.  And I guess February is better for our roommateship...and nothing more (you're still dirt to us, February.  Dirt!)

For the record, the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough was the right choice.  Soy happy.  And that's the truth.

Dailys!

Daily Word: Nostalgia  ("We're nostalgic to something in the past."  - Remy Germinario)
Daily Activities: Yes-And-ing, Truth Telling, Truth Hiding
Daily Icon: Anjelica Huston, for rocking those BANGS

Love, Bitches, and Baked Chicken,

TWO BROS